Most of us are familiar with the feeling that we should be doing something useful.

There is always an email to answer, a cupboard to sort out, a job to finish, a form to complete, a phone call to make, or a vaguely threatening item that has sat on a to-do list for so long that we now avoid looking directly at it.

Even when we do get some time to ourselves, it can be surprisingly difficult to enjoy it. We may sit down with a cup of tea, look around at everything that still needs doing, and immediately feel guilty for not getting on with it.

Rest can feel rather less restful when it comes accompanied by an internal commentary about all the things we ought to be doing.

The productivity trap

We live in a culture that tends to value busyness. Being busy can make us feel needed, capable and productive. It can also provide a useful distraction from uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.

The problem is that being constantly occupied is not the same as being well.

When every moment has to be justified, planned or made productive, there is very little room left for recovery. We can end up moving from one task to another while feeling increasingly tired, irritable or overwhelmed, and then wonder why we have lost the ability to enjoy the things we normally like doing.

There is a difference between having a full life and having no space in it.

Rest is not a reward

One of the unhelpful beliefs many people hold is that rest has to be earned. We tell ourselves that we can relax once the work is finished, the house is tidy, the inbox is empty and all the jobs have been completed.

The difficulty, of course, is that these things are rarely finished. There will always be another task, another message and another demand on our attention.

If we wait until everything is done before allowing ourselves to pause, we may be waiting for a very long time.

Rest is not a prize for reaching the end of an impossible list. It is a basic part of looking after ourselves. It helps us think more clearly, manage stress more effectively and have more emotional capacity for the people and responsibilities that matter to us.

What “doing nothing” can look like

Doing nothing does not have to mean sitting in silence for an hour while feeling increasingly anxious about the washing.

It may mean doing something with no particular purpose beyond enjoyment. Listening to music. Reading a few pages of a book. Gardening. Watching something light-hearted. Going for a walk without turning it into a fitness target. Having a conversation that is not about solving a problem.

The important part is not the activity itself. It is allowing yourself to do it without needing to defend it.

It is also worth remembering that rest looks different for different people. Some people recharge through quiet and solitude; others feel restored by spending time with friends, being creative or getting out into the world. There is no single right way to switch off.

A small experiment

If the idea of taking time out feels difficult, try a small experiment.

Choose twenty minutes this week and spend them doing something that is not productive, useful or ticked off a list. Then notice what happens. You may feel restless at first. You may feel guilty. You may immediately think of at least six other things you should be doing.

That is okay.

The aim is not to become perfectly calm or to master relaxation on the first attempt. It is simply to practise making a little space for yourself.

Sometimes doing nothing is not really doing nothing at all. Sometimes it is the thing that allows us to keep going.