Family Estrangement: Why "Going No Contact" Is Rarely a Simple Decision

I was recently invited to contribute to the cover feature of the June 2026 edition of Therapy Today, the professional journal of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). The article explores one of the most talked-about topics in mental health at the moment: family estrangement and the growing conversation around "going no contact".

It's a subject that often generates strong opinions. Social media sometimes presents cutting off family members as either an act of empowerment or something to be condemned. The reality, however, is usually far more complicated.

As therapists, we often see the nuance that never makes it into the headlines.

Family relationships are complicated

Most people don't stop speaking to a parent, sibling or other close relative because of a single disagreement. More commonly, estrangement develops over months or years following repeated experiences of feeling unsafe, dismissed, manipulated, criticised or emotionally harmed.

Equally, not every difficult family relationship needs to end. Families can and do repair relationships, particularly where there is genuine accountability, willingness to change and a shared commitment to improving communication.

The challenge lies in recognising the difference.

Therapy isn't about telling people what to do

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that therapists encourage people to cut ties with family members.

In reality, ethical therapy is not about making decisions for clients.

Instead, therapy provides a space to explore questions such as:

•  What has happened in this relationship?
•  What impact is it having on your mental health?
•  Have you already tried to repair things?
•  What boundaries have you attempted to set?
•  What are the emotional and practical consequences of staying, reducing contact or stepping away altogether?

Sometimes people decide to rebuild relationships. Sometimes they choose firmer boundaries. Occasionally they conclude that ending contact is the healthiest option available.

There is no universal answer.

Boundaries are not the same as punishment

One area that often becomes confused is the difference between setting boundaries and punishing someone.

Healthy boundaries exist to protect our own wellbeing, not to control another person's behaviour.

A boundary might involve limiting certain conversations, deciding how often you meet, refusing abusive behaviour or choosing not to engage in particular situations.

"No contact" sits at the far end of that continuum. It is generally not the first step, but rather one possible option when other approaches have repeatedly failed or where continued contact would be psychologically harmful.

Every story has more than one perspective

Family estrangement is deeply painful for everyone involved.

While one person may describe years of emotional neglect or abuse, another may experience the same situation very differently. As therapists, we recognise that people's experiences, memories and interpretations can all vary.

Rather than rushing to decide who is "right", therapy focuses on understanding each person's lived experience and helping individuals make thoughtful, informed decisions that are consistent with their values and wellbeing.

There are rarely easy answers

One of the reasons this topic is so emotionally charged is that it involves competing needs: loyalty, safety, guilt, grief, love, responsibility and identity.

The aim of therapy is rarely to provide simple answers. Instead, it helps people develop greater clarity, resilience and confidence in making decisions they can live with over the long term.

Whether that means rebuilding relationships, maintaining careful boundaries or accepting that some relationships cannot safely continue will differ from person to person.

Final thoughts

The public conversation around family estrangement is becoming increasingly visible, but real life is often much less black and white than social media suggests.

If you're struggling with a difficult family relationship, it can help to talk things through with someone independent. Therapy offers a confidential space to explore your options without pressure or judgement, allowing you to make decisions that are right for your own circumstances.

I was pleased to contribute expert commentary to the June 2026 cover feature of BACP's Therapy Today on family estrangement, helping to bring a balanced psychological perspective to an important and often misunderstood topic. You can read the full article here.